I am guessing that being married to an introvert is at least slightly better than being married to an axe murderer, although the latter probably makes for more interesting conversation at cocktail parties. If you’ve never seen the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer, then you are probably lost right now. In the 1993 film, Mike Myers’ character (Charlie) falls in love with a woman (Harriet) whom he later suspects to be an axe murderer. Spoiler alert – she’s not an axe murderer, but her sister is.

Sometimes I think my wife (Jody) probably feels like the victim of a bait and switch in our relationship. She falls for guy who is fun and outgoing but later suspects that he is an introvert. Spoiler alert – I am a flaming introvert.

We introverts get a bad rap. Introversion is often associated with shyness, social awkwardness, insecurity and/or lack of emotion. But I can assure you that my quiet demeanor isn’t born out of inability. Through my job and through church, I have led several small groups. I’ve spoken, sang and acted in front of hundreds of people. But small talk can drain me. Crowds are exhausting.

I experience a full range of emotions. I am moved by art. I am passionate about helping others. I love my family so deeply that I struggle to find sufficient words to even reveal the tip of this emotional iceberg. And therein lies the rub…the crux of a union between an introvert and an extrovert. My wife needs to feel my passion and my love through my actions and through my words. Yet those words don’t find their way frequently enough from my heart to my wife’s ears.

Words matter. I have seen first-hand the damage that harsh, hasty words shot from my mouth have inflicted upon my wife. And I have also witnessed the life-giving power of well-timed, sincere expressions of praise and gratitude.

Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, “Words – so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.”

I believe words take on added significance coming from the mouths of introverts. Our words can be fewer and farther between than those of extroverts so there is usually more calculation and thought behind these expressions. Thus there is greater responsibility on the introvert to make our words matter.

Because we don’t wear our hearts on our sleeves, our loved ones must often infer what we are thinking or feeling. This is an area of improvement where I have focused my efforts in recent years. I try not to leave my wife guessing about the condition of my heart.

I am still a work in progress as I don’t always volunteer enough information. Jody still asks me what I’m thinking and if I’m okay. But I don’t falsely answer “Nothing” or “I’m fine” if indeed there is something troubling me. There’s still room to grow here, but I think there always will be.

I have also gotten better at complimenting and thanking my wife. These feelings of appreciation, respect, attraction and admiration often enter my mind, but in the past that’s about as far as they went. It is vitally important that when these thoughts occur, I express them. Sometimes these thoughts enter when I’m not around my wife so I will text or email her a quick message to let her know that I’m thinking of her. Post-it notes stashed in her purse or stuck to the dash of her car achieve the same end.

What it boils down to is that wives need their husbands to share with them. But so many of us have left our wives longing for honest, meaningful conversation…longing for glimpses into our minds and hearts. Many of roadblocks can stand in the way. For me introversion is a big barrier. For others, it may be busy schedules, stoicism, distractions, golf, work, exhaustion, insert your excuse here. But I can think of no excuse great enough for us to stop growing into better men and to stop striving to understand and meet the needs of our wives.