American Idol makes me sad. It wasn’t always this way. I used to love watching the auditions as I was drawn to singers belting out raw emotions a cappella style.
I was also drawn to the other end of the spectrum – those who were so horrific that the sounds coming from their mouths could hardly be interpreted as singing.
However several years ago, the show lost me. The good singers all seemed a little too polished, and the bad…well, they started to make me sad. I began to feel like I was in high school watching the cool kids picking on the losers while I sat by and did nothing. Actually worse than doing nothing, I was laughing at those poor schmucks.
Some of the contenders on the show aren’t only terrible singers but appear to be suffering from mental disorders. What form of psychosis would convince a tone-deaf person to stand in line for countless hours with the honest belief that they have the talent to win a singing competition?
Schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, megalomania and narcissistic personality disorder are among the conditions that are characterized by grandiose delusions and unreal self-images. I don’t know how many of the folks on Idol could actually be diagnosed with any of these conditions, but I do know that narcissism is alive and well in America.
The true American idol is self. We worship at the altar of ME in our nation. Our collective notions of entitlement and rights can be so strong that they can distort reality. And seeing the fits that some of Idol rejects throw when they are fed a dose of reality is symptomatic of our over-coddled, self-indulgent culture.
What’s most sad about the delusional blokes who sing like Patrick Star (Spongbob’s BFF) but hear the voice of a rock star is that they don’t have anyone in their lives to tell them not to audition for American Idol. How sad is that? No one loves them enough to say three little words they need to hear –You can’t sing!
We all need someone to be a voice of reason in our lives, because all of us can lose touch with reality or lose our ability to see things objectively. My wife (Jody) often represents that voice of reason in my life, and I consider myself to be pretty self-aware.
Believe it or not, there are times when I don’t think rationally. I let bitterness take hold of me. I can worry excessively. I’m not a very social person and struggle to maintain friendships. I can be overly harsh with my kids.
These are all areas where I’ve lost perspective and where my wife has stepped in to lovingly point out things that I couldn’t see myself. Jody loves me enough to give me some hard truths when I need them. We all need someone to do that in our lives.
I would guess that most of us have some narcissistic tendencies or blind spots in our lives where we fail to see things for what they really are. Maybe we justify why our bad habits aren’t so bad or explain away any feedback we have received that’s not consistent with the image we have of ourselves. It’s easy to think ‘It’s them – not me.’
The causes for narcissistic personality disorder are unknown, but one recent study points to a couple possible causes as “overindulgence and overvaluation by parents” and “excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback.” While most of us probably don’t suffer from a personality disorder, we could all benefit from realistic feedback in our lives.
As parents, spouses and friends, we can show love by keeping it real. That doesn’t mean that we should go around giving everyone a piece of our mind. But when we see someone we care about heading down a wrong path, being self-destructive or allowing themselves to be victimized, we should let them know how we see the situation.
Loving honesty requires tact, timing and carefully chosen words. Even delivered in the right spirit, it can sometimes be received wrong. But we owe it to our loved ones to give them the truth, even when it’s difficult to deliver.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. – Ephesians 4: 25 (NIV)
