Tag Archives: fear

parenting, personal growth

3 Lessons Learned from 3 Nights in the Woods

1 Comment

I recently checked an item off my bucket list that, truth be told, was never actually on my bucket list. For the first time ever, I went to a church camp.

I was assigned a fourteen-year-old junior leader, given an unairconditioned cabin and entrusted with the well-being of four 10-11 year-old boys. I spent three nights in the woods hustling from one activity to the next, eating thoroughly mediocre camp food and hoping that these boys were hearing messages that might change their lives someday.

It wasn’t an easy time. By the end of our stay, I was exhausted. My tolerance for pre-teen boys was sapped, and I used up every bit of extroversion that this introvert could muster.

I needed alone time to recharge my batteries. I needed sleep. And I needed a shower.

Although camp came with some challenges, it was also very rewarding. One of the boys in my cabin was my son Alex. He’s the main reason I signed up to be a leader. I trusted this would be an experience that neither of us would ever forget. I wasn’t disappointed.

As I look back over the days spent at camp, there are a few ideas I want to ensure I remember:

  1. Say ‘YES’ to discomfort. When my wife first mentioned the possibility of being a leader at a church camp, I came up with all kinds of reasons why I shouldn’t do it. Taking off three days of work was at the top of my list. But I’ve learned that the most meaningful experiences in my life have occurred when I stepped outside of my routine and took on a challenge that I didn’t want to take on. Comfort is the enemy of change. The four days spent at this camp were void of the comforts that I cling to in life. It was awesomely uncomfortable!
  2. Be more childlike. Children possess some wonderful qualities that most adults have had wrung out of our lives. It wasn’t so long ago that I was a carefree boy, but seeing the contrast between these kids and myself reminded me of some traits that I’d like recapture. These boys haven’t set in concrete their opinions and prejudices. They were goofy. They made friends almost instantly. When they got upset at something or someone, they forgot about it 10 minutes later. I want to be more like them.
  3. I need more silliness in my life. One of my favorite parts of camp happened each night when we retired to the cabin to wind down. Each kid retired to his bunk with snacks in hand, and pre-lights-out silliness ensued. They goofed on each other. They made up names for each other. They talked about how awesome they were. And we laughed…a lot. It reminded me of when I was a kid. It also reminded me that silliness helps to lighten our load. It is good for the soul.

In the days leading up to this camp, I was dreading my decision to go, but in the days after, I found myself smiling at the memories. It affected me, and I trust that it affected the kids as well. I formed some lifelong memories with my son, and it sure beat sitting in front of a computer at work.

If you’re ever given an opportunity to do something like this, fight against your desire to say no. Step out on a limb.

Get uncomfortable. Get dirty. Get tired. Get blessed!

Uncategorized

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Step – A Big Scary Step

1 Comment

My faith journey has been a long, difficult road. I started out strong as a kid, but in my teen years I began a prolonged detour that lasted into my 30s.

One of my personality traits that has made this journey difficult is my fear of large tasks.

Whether it is home repair, work projects or self-improvement, I look at undertakings that require many steps and many hours of work, and paralysis sets in – keeping me from taking the first step.

Or I may take the first couple steps but leave the job undone. My wife loves it when I do that with home projects.

When it came to my faith, I saw the ideal state that I wanted to attain; I saw my broken state.  There was a light year between the two, and part of me thought, “I will never get there.”

But when I finally fully committed to this journey, I completely changed my view of the destination.

I used to look at Christianity like it was joining a karate dojo. I thought you mastered certain disciplines, demonstrated that mastery to your sensei and were awarded a new belt until you worked your way up to black belt status. There were so many belts between white and black that I couldn’t muster the energy to work on the first discipline.

Now I see my commitment to this journey much differently. To me faith is more of a compilation of many little choices that I make each day.

Every day I face dozens of decisions. The instant I wake up, I am presented with choices: Do I hit snooze? Do I exercise? Do I read the Bible? Do I go into work early? Do I write a blog?

Some of the decisions I face are significant, while most seem pretty mundane. But they all have the power to create change. All of my choices create some ripple in the universe, big or small, that will affect me and those around me.

What will I do next? What will I say next? What thoughts will I allow to take up residence in my mind? When I break my journey up into small decisions like this, faith seems a lot less intimidating.

I will be the first to tell you that I don’t always make the best decisions. Some of the paths I take are selfish or lazy. I don’t always think about what the impact will be to my wife or my kids.

Sometimes words escape my mouth that I wish I could take back. Sometimes I lose sight of the bigger picture.

But I choose more right paths than wrong. As a result, the overall trajectory of my journey is positive. I am continually moving towards growth even with all the backward steps I take. The man I want to become isn’t some far-off destination. He is here now – being formed one small decision at a time.

Uncategorized

Fear Not

Leave a comment

alex fishing2The sea was angry that day, my friends. Well, angry probably isn’t the right word for it…more like serene. The waters were pretty calm that morning as my son (Alex) and I waded knee-deep in the Gulf of Mexico.

On a recent vacation to Siesta Key, Florida, Alex and I spent the morning scanning the warm coastal waters for minnows.

With a net in hand, we searched the ocean diligently for over two hours trying unsuccessfully to nab at least one of the elusive little fish. During our excursion, Alex had the idea that we should try our luck at the Point of Rocks. It is what it sounds like – a rocky outcropping that forms the southern point of a crescent-shaped beach.

I have been to this beach several times, but I always viewed the Point of Rocks from afar. The idea of leaving the powder-soft sand to venture into unknown rocky depths had no appeal to me.

Don’t judge me; I have delicate feet. But where I saw the potential for scraped up soles, Alex saw the opportunity for adventure. These minnows were Alex’s Moby Dick, beckoning to be caught.

I fought against my instincts for foot preservation, and we trekked all through the craggy coastline. In the process, I did bang up a few toes on the rocks and scraped my heel pretty good, but they were just flesh wounds. The whole time we were walking through the rocks, I had to fight my urge to retreat to the sandy shore where I knew no toes would be injured.

But I resisted and we pushed on quite a while, enjoying some much needed father-son bonding time. Ultimately, we still didn’t catch any fish, but Alex enjoyed the adventure. The whole time, I was a breath away from passing along my fears to my son and from ending our fishing venture early. In the end I was so glad that I didn’t let fear keep us from trying something different.

Fear has a funny way of doing that – keeping me from venturing into the unknown. Fear is actually a good thing. It sometimes comes in the form of a biochemical reaction that steers us from danger and helps to keep us alive. It can also be a reminder that we are still alive. Sometimes we can use a little adrenaline jolt to shake us from the sleepy routines of life.

But the fear that most often gets me is the one that keeps me from stepping out of my comfort zone. It is a small, nagging voice that tells me I should avoid failure at all costs and keep to the familiar paths. Fear tells me that I am inadequate, that the risks outweigh the rewards, that the status quo is good enough, that change will require pain. Fear lies.

Did you know that the phrase “Fear not” appears in the Bible 365 times? The authors clearly understand the debilitating power of fear, how fear can take us out of the game. And yet we are challenged to, “Cast [our] burdens on the Lord.”

So if you are like me and find yourself stuck in fear, if anxiety consumes your thoughts, if the unknown is keeping you locked into a life of mediocrity, know that you are not alone. But you should also know that you are called shake off the shackles of fear.

Whether it is something as innocuous as sharing some adventure with your kids or something as life-altering as a career change, don’t let fear determine your next step or prevent you from taking a step. Lives worth living aren’t bound by fear.

Uncategorized

I Am Scared

Leave a comment

screamMy wife recently departed for a mission trip to Africa, and I have to confess that I am scared. I’m scared for her as she faces the threats of Ebola, giant spiders and strange foods prepared thousands of miles from the nearest health inspector. But I am even more scared for myself as I am left in charge of two thigh-high whirling dervishes bearing my last name.

The child-to-adult ration in my home will not be in my favor for 11 days, and that is cause for worry. Braver men than me would not be shaken by these circumstances, but I am at least a little nervous. Truth be told, my kids are actually pretty well-behaved…most of the time.

As with all kids though, they have dark sides. My good kids can devolve into needy, whining, crying, demanding creatures. They become like black holes, sucking the energy and patience right out of me until I devolve into a loud, angry, reactive, unkind, unforgiving creature. It’s not pretty on either side.

Today is day five without my wife, and five days of serving as daddy and mommy has given me a new-found appreciation for my wife’s hard work. There have been some demanding moments, but I’ve had the good fortune of having my parents here to share in the heavy lifting.

When I think of what my wife does day in and day out to take care of me and our kids (without the help of grandparents), it makes me want to bow before her and kiss her feet. Before my wife took this journey, I already had great appreciation for her, telling her regularly how grateful I am for her and for her contributions to our family.

It’s easy when things are going smoothly to pat each other on the back and keep positive. But life does not always go smoothly. It is fraught with trials and turbulence, and true character emerges in these trying moments. I am not always as gracious as I should be when things don’t go according to plan. My grace under fire leaves a lot to be desired.

When I’m sleep deprived, when the kids are screaming, when we wake up to dog puke on the carpet, when we run out of milk, when my wife gets in a fender bender, when the oven breaks down, when work has worn me thin, when I’m sitting in the ER – these are the moments when I most need the courage to extend grace and patience. These are the moments when I need to remember what it was like to walk in my wife’s shoes for 11 days.

The examples above have all happened to me in the past few months, and my responses to these life situations has ranged from gracious to complete jerk. My wife is amazing, and living without her for a few days is a powerful reminder of just how amazing she is. The next time I am in the trenches and my inner jerk wants to show up, I hope I can do better at remembering this truth and remembering these 11 days.